This has been such a good week for me. One of the best I can remember
in a long time, and last week was pretty darn good, too, so I'm on a roll! So productive, in a number of ways, both work-wise
and personally. So positive, emotionally. So . . . good, just simply good.
However, someone who is completely precious to me - probably the most
important person in my life - doesn't see it. Doesn't see or "get" what I'm trying to do with Stella, or writing, or with
job-hunting. My feelings are terribly hurt from some comments made this week, so much so in fact that I can't have a conversation
about it yet, for fear of how I will overreact because I am still too emotionally close to the upsetting exchange.
I'm working so hard to forge my path, if you will, in this life, and
it's certainly a bit different than a lot of people expected me to take - I went from Little Miss Type A on the surface and
inside to someone who's figuring out when and how "that CN" happily and constructively coexists with all the other sides of
me. Figuring that out is a process I must continue going through, if I'm not only going to be happy but also be as productive
and contributing a member of this world as I was meant to be.
As the inimitable Erma Bombeck said, "When I stand before God at the
end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say 'I used everything you gave
me.'" That's exactly how I feel, and exactly what I'm trying to do. I hope and pray that those who care about me most can
truly see that, or that they will - or perhaps, in certain cases, just go with me for a bit longer and trust me - because
I have too much "talent" to waste any of it, and I am not going to.
